My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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