Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
