you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
