Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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