Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
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This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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