I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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