ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
