Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
