No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
