getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize