Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
