did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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