New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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