that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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