I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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