Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
