mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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