You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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