there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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