Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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