My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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