does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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