Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I pour the whiskey from now on
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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