It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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