She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
