I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
