This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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