She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm like, not good at living.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
