I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
