i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
