Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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