To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
