yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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