i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
