When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
