Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
