When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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