Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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