epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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