you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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