Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
