So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It was a blind-side dick pic.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
