Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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