Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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