Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
