I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
