Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
