if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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