Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
