I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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