I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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