I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
