why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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