Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
