God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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