I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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