I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
