I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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