For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
