so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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