we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
