he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
