You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
