He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
