I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just pee around me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
