we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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