Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
