I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
