There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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