Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
