You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
