Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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