It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
