ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
