it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
