Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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