actually, I'm a sock model
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't deserve a penis
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
